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| Members writings Members creative essays, poems and prose.. |
في حال وجود أي مواضيع أو ردود
مُخالفة من قبل الأعضاء، يُرجى الإبلاغ عنها فورًا باستخدام أيقونة
( تقرير عن مشاركة سيئة )، و الموجودة أسفل كل مشاركة .
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أدوات الموضوع | انواع عرض الموضوع |
2014-06-24, 21:02
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رقم المشاركة : 1 | ||||
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Paper Girl
Peace be upon you ;
Paper Girl For too long ,,,and still I've swallowed pains and guilts and now i’m drunk I’ve been lost in a mysterious maze where i’m still stuck I’ve neither looked for a prince charming Nor for any one ‘s help i just kept waiting Waiting for the day when all secrets would reveal When i’d be « me » i would get back all what they steal I kept waiting ,and all that time went in vain Because in the end i had nothing, no gain And i'm still the same girl made of paper I have never changed i'm just getting older Papers have no feelings and so do i Papers are so cold and so do i They can be cut and thrown away The way i've been thrown so far away Thrown like we have never existed before POOF,and we are both gone ,it hurt my paper core A paper girl with paper memories A paper life with paper promises I'would be a liar if i said i'm satisfied Paper life is so fake and i feel soterrified For too long, longer than enough I've wandered alone within a paper bluff Fighting back all the paper memories that are ripping my paper chest I've tried my best but -so far- i'm considered as a loser in paper life's test Because i'm homesick ,i'm jailed and i wanna be free But they say :"a paper girl that's what you're meant to be" They keep saying give up your life trust us papers are so mild While you're nothing but a hard hearted girl , you are so wild Yeah ;papers are so mild to the point they shaped my life the way they wanted Orders,orders just follow orders because everything is already decided they wrote too many drafts of me i'm now the girl they've ever wanted to see I guess i need more and more papers to fill my soul's gaps It's over and i'm fine that's what i was finally able to grasp " A paper girl is a paper girl ".
آخر تعديل نَازِكْ 2014-06-27 في 15:23.
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2014-06-24, 23:36
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رقم المشاركة : 2 | |||
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oups! here we go again i got the first seat |
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2014-06-25, 17:52
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رقم المشاركة : 4 | |||
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2014-06-25, 17:53
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رقم المشاركة : 5 | |||
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2014-06-25, 21:24
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رقم المشاركة : 6 | ||||
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اقتباس:
i hope things are going well with your and yeah i was spying on ya n saw ya there^^i'd make for ya your own world cup just come back here because there's too much emptiness in this section ah thank you sis so much for you words and for papers they have their own stories sis you can never hide a scar written on them and they hurt too much bacause they are so fake especially if you were bound to live along with them keep in touch ok do never go away any more take care hun ^^ |
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2014-06-25, 23:20
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رقم المشاركة : 7 | |||
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RI've swallowed pains and guilts and now I’m drunk
I’ve been lost in a mysterious maze where I’m still stuck I’ve never looked for a prince charming Nor for any one ‘s help i just kept waiting When I’d be « me » i would get back all what they steal A paper girl with paper memories A paper life with paper promises I'm gonna bea liar if i said I’m satisfied Paper life is so fake and i feel so afraid Because I’m homesick ,I’m jailed and i wanna be free They keep saying give up your life, trust us; paper are so mild While you're nothing but a hard hearted girl , you are so wild Yeah; paper are so wild to the point they shaped my life the way the wanted Orders, orders just follow orders because everything is already decided they wrote too many drafts of me I’m now the girl they ever wanna see I guess i need more papers to fill my soul's gaps It's over, and I’m fine that's what I finally grasp Grammatical mistakes Guilts = no plural form it's uncountable noun . Drunk = having drunk so much alcohol that it is impossible to think or speak clearly (Oxford dictionary) I’m sure didn’t mean this it’s better to choose another word. What they steal = what they stole because it’s a past action, you’re saying that you will take back what they already took from you. I’m gonna be a liar = I am going to be a liar (present continuous) it’s followed with if I said I’m satisfied (if + past simple) which means you’re using the conditional type 2 if + past simple = would + verb (infinitive). I’d be a liar if I said I’m satisfied. Paper are so mild; paper are so wild = papers are so mild; papers are so wild. I finally grasp = it’s used whether with past simple or present perfect. Personally I think present perfect is needed here (I’ve finally grasped ). Vocabulary mistakes I’ve never looked for a prince charming nor for any one … = I’ve neither … norfor any one’s help … Homesick = sad because you are away from home and you miss your family and friends (Oxford dictionary). I’m sure you meant staying home because you are sick and if I’m right you shouldn’t have said homesick look for another word. The way the wanted = the way they wanted. Phonetic mistakes I've swallowed pains and guilts and now I’m drunk I’ve been lost in a mysterious maze where I’m still stuck There is a small difference between them. Drunk = bunk, trunk, plunk … Stuck = cluck, luck, truck... I’ve never looked for a prince charming Nor for any one‘s help i just kept waiting there is a clear difference in the sound, both of them end with (ing) but pay attention to the root of the words we have charm and wait, they’re different in their sounds. So (ing) is not important in rhymes the most important is what’s before it. The same thing to (ed). Charming = alarming, disarming, farming… Waiting= debating, hating, rating… A paper girl with paper memories A paper life with paper promises Memories /z/ (plural) = memory (singular) Promises /Iz/ (plural) = promise (singular) There is a small difference here. Memories = universities, tendencies, enemies… Promises = Thomas, compromise, providences, confidences I'm gonnabea liar if i said I’m satisfied Paper life is so fake and i feel so afraid There is a difference between them in the main vowel. Satisfied /ai/ = falsified, justified, simplified, clarified, purified, verified, classified… Afraid /ei/ = decayed, too late, invade, cascade… Yeah; paper are so wild to the point they shaped my life the way the wanted Orders, orders just follow orders because everything is already decided There is a difference here, the rhyme should be the same even before the (ed) the same to the (Ing). Wanted = vaunted, haunted… Decided = guided, suicide, subdivided, resided, presided, praised Technically: It’s true and real though it’s simulated with paper nature of the paper how it’s exploited by human being and thrown after it’s useless the same what’s happening in this freaky society when you’re helpless you’re expired. Nice poem light and bright full of feelings and vivid the fact that makes the reader drawing pictures of a lonely sad girl in a corner crying over a past memories and unachieved promises. The theme always the like the previous ones dark and deep and sadness is the clearest thing from the first line … Reformed version of mine I’ve swallowed the guilt and pains, Still I’m stuck, lost in a mysterious maze I’ve neither looked for a prince charming nor for anyone’s help when I felt chagrin I kept waiting for the day, when all secrets would be revealed; when I’d be « me », i would get back the power I used to wield I kept waiting, and all that time went in vain In the end i had nothing, nothing to gain I'm still the same girl who’s made of paper Who has never changed, but getting older Papers have no feelings and so do I Papers are so cold and so do I They can be cut and thrown away The way I've been thrown so far away Thrown like we have never existed before POOF, and we are both gone, it hurt my paper core A paper girl with paper memories A paper life with paper promises I would be a liar if i said I'm satisfied Paper life is so fake, I feel so terrified For too long, longer than enough I've wandered alone within a paper bluff Fighting back all the paper memories that are ripping my paper chest I've tried my best but -so far- I’m considered as a loser in paper life's test Because I’m homesick , I’m jailed; i wanna be free They say: "a paper girl that's what you're meant to be" They keep saying give up your life trust us paper are so mild While you're nothing but a hard hearted girl , you are so wild Yeah ;paper are so wild to the point they shaped my life the way the wanted Orders, orders just follow orders because everything is already decided they wrote too many drafts of me I’m now the girl they ever wanna see I guess i need more papers to fill my soul's gaps It's over and I’m fine that's what i finally grasp " A paper girl is a paper girl " a great hello to member's writing active members   |
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2014-06-26, 21:10
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رقم المشاركة : 8 | ||||
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اقتباس:
well it needs time to focous n now i'm half asleep and conx is insane i'll be here morning Inshallah to correct my mistakes sorry bro n thank you ^^ |
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2014-06-27, 15:00
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رقم المشاركة : 9 | ||||
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اقتباس:
you know even millons of "thank you "wouldn't be enough n no word can fit to tell how muchgratetful i'm to you ,,,sa7it atas atas may allah bless you . |
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2014-06-28, 11:28
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رقم المشاركة : 10 | ||||
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اقتباس:
well there is no better than something original yours is original coz it's written directly without thinking deeply just writing down what you felt ... transmitting feelings to words on paper by a paper girl  for the mistakes I'm sure you know about them; like conditional types and plural rules this happens with all even me sometimes I make a lot of mistakes that I usually don't we can blame you if you're writting a formal thing, letter or something but here it's not that problem the most important is the delivery (ideas that you want us to know) if you pay attention to the American direct you will find a lot of mistakes like no plural rules; he/ she were... do !! look at they car !! so many excesses for Finally wlh I still didn't look for it coz I totally forgot about grammar rules but I'll do my best to find about it BTW what's the meaning of Atas !!! which stream you studied ? which topic did you choose? Did you see the correction? |
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2014-06-28, 14:49
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رقم المشاركة : 11 | ||||
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اقتباس:
for Atas it means bzaf "lot" in 9baylia i'm Scientific i 've chosen the one that talks about counterfeiting money i've chosen it for the writing expression i liked that topic , i saw the correction n my answers were all correct hmd but i wrote too much in the writing expression and i am afraid they won't read it the way it should be read because my mark will depend on it |
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2014-06-29, 20:12
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رقم المشاركة : 12 | ||||
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اقتباس:
ah... though I've a lot of Amazigh friends I didn't hear this word haha
for the topic you chose you can post what you wrote I'll tell the mark they will give you if they read it all and paid attention to it okaay  |
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2014-06-30, 22:43
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رقم المشاركة : 13 | ||||
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اقتباس:
i wish i hadn't cut it ,,,, |
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2014-07-06, 01:17
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رقم المشاركة : 15 | ||||
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اقتباس:
hamdullah
u got 19.50 I self corrected my draft and I got 19.50 ya know written expression I can't give myself the whole mark hhhh for the specialty wait to see which ones are available also see which university can provide them and if the distance will help and parental opinions ya know congratulations Intisar u deserve more 39ouba l high degree in the university |
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| الكلمات الدلالية (Tags) |
| girl, paper |
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المشاركات المنشورة تعبر عن وجهة نظر صاحبها فقط، ولا تُعبّر بأي شكل من الأشكال عن وجهة نظر إدارة المنتدى
المنتدى غير مسؤول عن أي إتفاق تجاري بين الأعضاء... فعلى الجميع تحمّل المسؤولية
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