hey ! chek my poem

[روح قسنطينة]

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة sara soso

Hello
In ur poem I liked the three first lines , I didn't like the expression of 'I just wanna spew' u could use more touching expression like ' so gloomy and I don't know what's the clue''
Also the expression of ' as bad as my shoe' I didn't like it maybe u can use '' knew that I was tottaly out of control

The last line u cannot use two models for the same verb , u use shall and can for the verb ''do'' so u can say what shall a little girl do or u use can instead of shall
And we say like a dirty not like dirty
Check not chek
Good job friend , hope u the best

thnx a lot for ur remarks n ur opinions i'll try working with it next time
peace