Sharing relationship meaning

[AbuHossam]

I’ve been a member for a while and saw some people sharing their relationship with their Asians born parents. I thought It might be a good place to seek some advice on my relationship with my newly migrated mother.

I’ve lived in the states for 11 years and just sponsored my ill mother over to live with me a few months ago. I have an older brother in China but incapable of caring for her so I had no choice but to bring her here (of course I am happy to be with her too, but if my brother could’ve taken care of her it’s much easier for everyone, I would support financially). I pay for everything, I **** and do all house chores since she can’t. I sacrifice going on vacations because I can’t leave her at home. I bring her to badminton, dinners even karaoke with my friends to make her feel included. I think I’m a pretty good daughter.

The problem is that she and I have very different lifestyles. I like going out, drinking and parties. She’s never lived that lifestyle before and doesn’t understand any of that. She constantly nag me about my lifestyle. Mostly on how I am not settling down (I’m 33). I don’t want to settle for less and I live pretty freely in that space. If I meet someone, great, I’ll happily commit. If not, I don’t mind dating for fun. I really try to include her in my life but I don’t know what to say to her nowadays. If I try to talk about my life, all I get is disapproval and lectures. Not only she nag, she gets mad at me for sleeping with someone I have a casual relationship with. She basically says I can’t have sex with anyone who is not my boyfriend.

To be honest, part of the reasons I haven’t settled down is the trauma and baggages I carry growing up. She’s never good at validating me and till this day I still have low confidence along with other relationship issues. I tried to explain to her that I’m working on myself and I don’t want to settle. Yet she is still not building my confidence by constantly telling me I’m getting old, dating will only get worse for me, and try to pair me up with very unattractive guys she see around me. I really wish she can just support me by saying “you are great and you deserve a good guy, take your time and don’t ever settle for less”. I tried to just brush it off but she now gets mad at me for having sex while being single. She doesn’t talk to me the next day and I can tell she is really bothered.

So, any advice on how I can manage this dynamic better? I don’t want to change my lifestyle, I want her to understand me and we can be friends, I want her to not worry about me and try to be happy.

Thanks for reading this. Appreciate any advice!💜