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Members writings Members creative essays, poems and prose.. |
في حال وجود أي مواضيع أو ردود مُخالفة من قبل الأعضاء، يُرجى الإبلاغ عنها فورًا باستخدام أيقونة ( تقرير عن مشاركة سيئة )، و الموجودة أسفل كل مشاركة .
آخر المواضيع |
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أدوات الموضوع | انواع عرض الموضوع |
2012-08-30, 11:42 | رقم المشاركة : 1 | ||||
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I'm drowning in the darkness
Peace be upon you everyone
~~~ I'm fighting the tide trying to reach the surface ?what's happening to me I'm drowning I'm drowning in the sea of sadness I can't find any hand to pull me I can't find anyone to save me I'm drowning and no one cares I'm fighting the waves alone and no one to rescue me dares I've been struggling for a while till now trying to save my soul on my own cuz no one is around second by second i'm sinking more I'm going deeper there's no way I can reach the shore everything ahead looks nebulous I'm getting tired and the tidal waves are getting more ruthless blow after blow until my body becomes numb but my heart remains sore waiting for what will come if only someone appeared to me from nowhere and held my hand to save from there but no one does and no one comes and now my eyes are closing and the last glimmer of sunshine goes the last breath is taken my body trembles for the last time and now it's sinking it's plunging in a world where good feelings die and there, forever I shall lie ~~~
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2012-08-30, 12:47 | رقم المشاركة : 2 | |||
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verry nice |
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2012-08-30, 12:49 | رقم المشاركة : 3 | |||
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Hi there hind |
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2012-08-30, 13:10 | رقم المشاركة : 4 | |||
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keep it up sis you are talented |
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2012-08-30, 19:46 | رقم المشاركة : 5 | |||
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hi nice to see your new topic_____I'll read it carefully then I'll reply ok |
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2012-08-30, 23:49 | رقم المشاركة : 6 | |||
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you've got a beautifull talent sist keeep going |
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2012-08-31, 17:38 | رقم المشاركة : 7 | |||
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(Wow Such a good Introduction!) I'm fighting the tide trying to reach the surface ?what's happening to me I'm drowning please consider these advices: Hi Hind I am really impressed by what you’ve written it’s very expressive using such similes and figurative speeches Sea è Darkness Technically: Hind you know I love to provide some advices for people Who love to write poems; I would like you to accept this peace of advice if you want: What is poem or why we call it a poem:
Follow me please: Some body don’t like me talking about Rhymes and would say oh forget about rhymes and bla bla bla Noooooooooooo It’s totally a mistake coz if you want your writings seem like a poem It’s important to imply rhymes then by this one you can put them regularly like this as an example: ……………………………….(A) ……………………………….(A) ……………………………….(B) ……………………………….(B) Or ……………………………….(A) ……………………………….(B) ……………………………….(A) ……………………………….(B) There are so many forms of poems you can learn about them…… Then the Rhythm….. When you read a poem of (Moufdi Zakaria) or (Ibn Badiss) you feel a regular rhythm reading them can you tell me why? Because; Stanzas (Lines) are paralleled, equal in length. These are two most important elements to build a great poem. Then if you consider it as a “Thought” I’m sorry Coz I don’t know much about this kind of writings. (1) I'm drowning in the sea of sadness ………………………….(…….ness) (we need a rhyme here) Suggestion: hopefulness I’m drowning in the sea of sadness After I lost my way to hopefulness (2) (I can’t find any hand to pull me) (I can't find anyone to save me) Suggestion: I can't find any hand to pull and save me (3) (I'm fighting the waves alone and no one to rescue me dares) Suggestion: I’m lonely here fighting the waves Who want to rescue me who dares I've been struggling for a while now second by second I'm sinking more Grammar mistakes: I've been struggling for a while now Have + Been + Verb(ing) è Present perfect continuous USE 2 Recently, Lately We use it the tense has a more general meaning of "lately." Or “Recently” We use it to show that something started in the past and has continued up until now You can say: I’ve been struggling for a long while till now I’ve been struggling till now. Now: An adverb means “at the present time” Which tense do you think is suitable in this case?
You can say; I am struggling now At the end I hope you take my comments in consideration and try to work again on this poem applying some instructions that I’ve told you about, then if you found a problem in finding rhymes tell me to provide some for you……..Good Luck. |
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2012-09-01, 18:23 | رقم المشاركة : 8 | |||
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2012-09-01, 18:35 | رقم المشاركة : 9 | |||
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No Hind don't mind Grammatical mistakes is not the a big deal you can learn and fix them they're easy |
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2012-09-01, 18:41 | رقم المشاركة : 10 | |||
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i would work on this one again but if u knew me u'd know that i'm 2 lazy 2 do that lol
so i'll try 2 apply ur advices on other ones n i hope 2 find u 2 ask 4 opinion |
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2012-09-01, 18:43 | رقم المشاركة : 11 | |||
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yeah I'm always around to check your news okey take your time
. . . would you please take a look to the game "check the world" |
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2012-09-01, 18:48 | رقم المشاركة : 12 | |||
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Ok thnx n i just did |
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2012-09-04, 17:41 | رقم المشاركة : 13 | |||
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I'm drowning and no one cares |
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2012-09-04, 17:47 | رقم المشاركة : 14 | |||
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thank u my dear dear friend |
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2012-09-21, 14:02 | رقم المشاركة : 15 | |||
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i liked it |
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الكلمات الدلالية (Tags) |
darkness, drowning |
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المشاركات المنشورة تعبر عن وجهة نظر صاحبها فقط، ولا تُعبّر بأي شكل من الأشكال عن وجهة نظر إدارة المنتدى
المنتدى غير مسؤول عن أي إتفاق تجاري بين الأعضاء... فعلى الجميع تحمّل المسؤولية
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