My Teenage Heartbreak

[Sadinne]

Hey there everyone
^^

So, I hope you're all doing just fine & you're as excited as I am for this Ramdan =D

Anyways, this is the first time that I'm posting anything in this section of the forum, I kind of hesitated before doing it, cause I don't usually share my writings but, I'd like to have your honest opinion on this

Last night I wasn't feeling too good, and I had to do something to feel better, so I did it what I always do to let my feelings out, I wrote a poem that I'd like to share with you

Enjoy
♥

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My Teenage Heartbreak

Didn't I cry enough? Haven't I shed enough tears?

I've lost my courage, let me hide behind my fears

Make sure that everybody knows, make sure that everybody hears

That I don't trust you, them or anybody else

That I don't trust my own shadow, not even myself

So many promises, yet none of them was kept

You said I'd walk away, yet you're the one who left

My heart bled, and so did my arm

God what have I done? I've hurt the one that I wasn't supposed to harm

I ran the sharp blades through my skin

Thinking the pain would dissapear

But all I did was a terrible sin,

And now your punishement is all I fear

I'm young, broken & alone, these are the facts

Please god, have mercy

Don't judge me on the stupidity of my acts

Please god, make these scars go away

But if those on my arm left, would those on my heart stay?

Take me back to those days, when my dad walked me to school

When I didn't care, if I was pretty, stylish, skinny or cool

Take me back to those days when "Boyfriend" meant...A friend, who was a little boy

When candy was more than enough, to fill me with a different kind of joy

Take me back, take me home, take me away

I'm losing myself here, a little bit more everyday

I thought I was strong, wise & smart

But like a puppet, I was played by my heart

Mind, logic...Where were you?

You suffocated us, with that love song you used to listen to

My sky turned grey, after it was once blue

I don't wonder where, when and especially not who

You did as you pleased, and as I please I shall do

I shall wipe these tears, that I once shed for you

Unless for my god or my familly, they will never fall

I shall fall down, kneel and I will crawl

As I beg for god's forgiveness on my soul

Stupid, reckless, naïve little me

Patience

Patience, my dear & you'll see what you'll see

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So, that's it, maybe it was kinda long but if you did finish reading it untill the end...Well, I'm glad
^^

Tell me your honest opinion on this, and constructive criticism is welcome =p

Don't forget me in your prayers, & ask god to erase my sins, and forgive my mistakes & yours & everybody else's

♥

[.kiki]

hello sissy! I'm truly glad to read your thread here honey ^^ and discover your outstanding talent

you're good.. I mean it, your lines are well connected, you don't have to read it over again to absorb the meaning
and then your words... you sure know how to pick the right ones

next time, try to make it more cheering, ok? of course I don't know what you usually write about, 'cause you're not sharing any, but I can guess it's mostly about the inside of you
so, for your sake too, try to write about the external world around you...
briefly: take care of your talent ^^

by the way, i did pray for you, and i'll remember you in my supplications nchallah


PS: edit your text and and change 'god' to God ok, there's a diffrence



be safe
peace

[amel nina]

that's a nice poem because it came right from the bottom of your heart, it blends many kinds of feelings, it's too sincere



honestly i loved it too much, I wish you would share with us more of your poems and writings cuz i like the way you write



keep it up sister

[Sadinne]

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة .kiki

hello sissy! I'm truly glad to read your thread here honey ^^ and discover your outstanding talent

you're good.. I mean it, your lines are well connected, you don't have to read it over again to absorb the meaning
and then your words... you sure know how to pick the right ones

next time, try to make it more cheering, ok? of course I don't know what you usually write about, 'cause you're not sharing any, but I can guess it's mostly about the inside of you
so, for your sake too, try to write about the external world around you...
briefly: take care of your talent ^^

by the way, i did pray for you, and i'll remember you in my supplications nchallah


PS: edit your text and and change 'god' to God ok, there's a diffrence



be safe
peace

Oh well I'm glad you liked it, & thank you so much for your encouraging words, it really means a lot to me
♥

And I do write about what's going on around me too, and all my poems aren't so depressing xD

maybe I'll post it here sometime
^^

Thanks for the advice sister & for your prayers too, God bless you
♥

[Sadinne]

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة amel nina

that's a nice poem because it came right from the bottom of your heart, it blends many kinds of feelings, it's too sincere



honestly i loved it too much, I wish you would share with us more of your poems and writings cuz i like the way you write



keep it up sister

Hi =D

First of all, thank you so much for passing by & giving me your opinion, I'm glad you liked it so much


Maybe I'll share something else with you, pretty soon
^^

[أميرة العرب]

dear sisy,

at first when u said that it is your first poem here
i was thinking that it will be boring and full of mistakes

however,you shocked me

the poem is extremely well written

i can fell tat it's a true story
that the words are coming from ur heart not ur brain

keep going girlu rock


luv yaaa

ur sis

[أميرة العرب]

saléém

and i do agree with nina

about sharing more of ur writings

i luv ur style

peace

[Sadinne]

OMG :o Thank you so so much !! I'm really flattered, thanks a lot for these encouraging words, it means a lot to me
♥

[destiny 3]

soooooo cooooooool
i enjoyed so much
it has a great meaning thanks so much for the poem

[Jimmy The Rap Soldie]

Hi there dear sis ^^

Good morning sis .... since it's third eid then still I'm able to say ... " happy eid " .. looks like you wrote this poem in Ramadan ... and looks like I'm replying in eid ... so I'm kinda late ...hhh ... any way ... let me start off with saying ... dear sis ... may Allah bless your soul and forgive you ... may Allah dry your tears and draw eternal smiles on your cheeks ^^ ... second ... the poem you wrote ... it's amazing ... it's a breath taking piece of art ... most that i liked about your poem is your honesty ... i always say honesty makes everything beautiful ... and sure you proved my point of view through your poem dear ... i have no doubt that you already know ... that it isn't a shame to make a mistake ... but it's a shame to make the same mistakes again ... dear ... we're just weak human beings .. we full in mistakes easily ... we simply go astray ... you know why? ... because most time' we feel alone ... don't know what to do any more ... we just panic in our own dark killing solitude .... making of our selves an easy victim for the devil ... hhh ... how ironic!! ... you see sis ..each time i read a poem ... i don't usually read it for fun ... i see poetry as a gate ... i see poems as mirrors ... i don't need to ask you any thing ... about you ... or about any thing related to you ... your poem says it all ... the mirror reflects the facts ... do you know what your poem says ? .... or more like what your mirror says .... it says that you're strong ... it says that you posses the strongest weapon any body could ever have ... " honesty " ... looks like i said a lot ...hhh ^^sorry ... thnx for sharing anyway ... loved it ... keep up ^^ ... your bro .. jimmy

My Allah keep ya safe