pleas read my poem

[xchow]

I've got a lot of pains
I miss your love that it my veins
and your tears fall at me
drawing scars in my skins
can you see it seems
like I never live this life again
what hurt me is the time
as that day never come
I want all of things to be
like I never want to see
our hands in the white stars
together with our hearts
sorrows never starts
there is no place for fear
all the bad things will disappear
when I see you laugh
I feel like I wanna hide my self
inside your head
think with you and see with your eyes
kiss away all the lies
fly away in the skies
I never forget your breath
Is like a morning breeze
came out from a Strawberry trees
and now I miss you girl
now I need you my Pearl
just give me a word
take me out of this world
raise me up to the height way
there we'll stay alone
take some pictures with my phone
to keep you close to me
I spend a lot of time think about you
I forget sleeping all the nights
inside me a lot of fights
I go outside , and watch the black sky
look up into the lights of stars
and wish you here with me
to hear what I'm feel
to understand the truth
that with my last breath
before I leave
last thing I'll do
say :
I Love you

[spy4me]

hi xchow
well, talking about the message of your poem, we can get it easily thru the good expressions you use as well as the nice words
but i have some remarks : you made some grammatical mistakes..pay attention the meaning may be ambiguous + i noticed that you focus on the rhyme a lot like you search for words that end with the same sound, get rid of this, focus on the meaning, and the picture how the reader will receive it rather,
and i think this section is not the right one to post a piece of writing like this, "members writings" is the right one
finally, i thank you for the honesty i touched thru your poem, honest heart makes honest words
looking for more from you
your brother
peace

[xchow]

they must be mistakes cauz I wrote it in 10 min

[Hillin]

Hi
well, thank u "Xcho"for sharing us such pretty expressive poem
I liked it and I lked most ur spontaneity
I read it but I had the feeling as if I'm sitting beside u and keep listening to ur very imprssive words
by the way I agree with Spy's comment about mistakes
hope to take them in ur account
so
I've nothing to say now except"Best of Wishes"l
^^

[Hind_dz]

Well.. I see that it's an emotional poem.. regardless of some mistakes I like it cuz it's meaningful n u did a good job expressing ur feelings n emotions

Keep it up

[xchow]

yeahhh girls I red it again I find mistakes
any way thanks for the advises
I correct some errors