“I drown into a big sea of depression, you know.. that depression that kills every sort of life inside you.. I was crying myself to sleep every night and pretend Im fine in the mornings, I tries to cut myself but it was too aggressive and I was scared that Im gonna use to it and then kill myself one day.
That killed me seriously, I was dying a little bit every single day, I wasnt fine, I wasnt okay, I wasnt sober at all. I needed someone, anyone who can read my mind clearly or someone who could help me out, the fact that no one ever discovered that I was lying and that my silence never were something good, that my tears were under my skin all the time, but none could notice..
I loved my life before then why I had to experience such a dark truth like depression, it had me fucked up totally, like I had to hate myself more, and to curse it even more. I looked back to see if there's anyone who's watching over me.. anyone who could save me from that dimons, but no one was there, all my friends had them lifes and wasnt able to notice me drowning.
I wasnt able to breathe, I wasnt able to see life clearly, all was dark and cruel, Ive tried to get out of it, but it was helpless.. All the hate that was surrounded by me was from those who ignored me and my pain.
It is so hard that all you ever need is just a wors, no less, no more. One sincere word can change everything, but no one was there, I was totally alone.. No one cared, and no one was completely beside me.
Depression is no joke, its a freaking hell, I hate myself more now, and its too late for anyone to save me now, I ruined myself and I dont care anymore.” August 3rd.2017
- I wrote that two months ago, I was in a miserable situation. That 20 line text is the most sincere text I’ve ever wrote in my entire life, tho I was so broken and sensitive, some people commented : “ oh, then whats depression? Its just a temporary situation that everyone have or had experienced” And that is just so wrong and bad, its so bad that people still can’t figure out the difference between a mental issue and a regular one “mood”.
Now I’m fine.. particulary, It wasn’t easy for me to make it out from that big black bubble I stucked in the last few years, I didn’t really know what it is but It happened and I survived.. I was strong enough, trusted myself a bit, although I was weak in a scary way.. I wasn’t sober at all, but now its all gone. Don’t ever lose hope in yourself, you can make a progress, you can do it .. don’t kill yourself or the inner you for things that had to happen.. in a way or another, fated to happen.. meant to happen.
